it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
