wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
