Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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