Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
