You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You left your phone here
Wait...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
