No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
