the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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