How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
