someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I DEMAND FORESKIN
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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