M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
