I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
