I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i will never coherently bang her
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
