So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
