pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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