exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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