If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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