no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
