we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
