i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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