Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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