I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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