Pappa wants mamma naked
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
