Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
