Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize