There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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