idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
