I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
