yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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