he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
