oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
