oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
