You made me cry and you don't even care
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
me + whiskey = a bad person
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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