I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
