So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
