i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize