I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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