She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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