just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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