Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
