Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
