omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
