Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
