so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
