Dual....:-)
You're my little dorito
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
