my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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