Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
