is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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