A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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