I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
