I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
