Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
