We won't sleep together?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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