I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
