Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
