Duck Duck Cougar?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
