Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
