did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
420 ftw
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
