i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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