barbara walters just said penis...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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