My first STD was from a foam party
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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