Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
