I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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