real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
