i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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