get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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