Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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