Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
