there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
