I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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