Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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