My sheets look like a crime scene.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
