They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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